Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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