cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
