you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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