Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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