youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
