I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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