When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
