yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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