Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I have tasted many bathrooms
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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