I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
