i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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