I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
