Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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