first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
