I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
