My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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