my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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