Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
