grandma shit on top of the toilet
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We have started to decorate penises.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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