so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
