saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
