He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
