I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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