ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I love you.
Bad choice
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