So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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