i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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