Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I wear drunk well.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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