The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
