Cold hands, warm shart.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
