i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
