Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
