You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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