i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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