I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
