So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
