oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
