We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
