I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
