I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
