Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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