Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
