I seem to have left my pride at pride
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
