2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
