Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
