a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
