im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it hurts more in the daytime
i think i have herpe
just one?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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