Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
