She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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