you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
