This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
