I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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