put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
