i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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