I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
